Friday, December 2, 2011

Booger Man At Work (humor)

(Envisioned as a short on Saturday Night Live.)


An empty elevator opens and Booger Man enters. Finally, time alone. Booger Man immediately sticks his right index finger into his right nostril. For the past 20 minutes he could feel the mucus nugget in his nose, blocking his airway, beginning to itch. Now is a perfect time for extraction. Booger Man makes quick work of it. Booger Man pulls his hand away and inspects the results. A gloriously large booger. Such satisfaction from a job well done.


Oh shit! Booger Man quickly wipes his gloriously large booger on the wall behind him and steps to the left. The doors open and the elevator fills with office workers. A tall, gloriously curvy woman in a tight black skirt stands to the right of Booger Man. He can’t restrain himself from looking down to witness the fate of his gloriously large booger. Skirt Girl notices, looks him over, and takes exception to his apparent ogling of her backside. Skirt girl shifts her weight and the left cheek of her ass presses firmly against the elevator wall.


The elevator empties. Booger Man leans overs and watches as his gloriously large booger sashays down the hall on the left butt cheek of the gloriously curvy Skirt Girl.

Skirt Girl strides down the hall and enters the copy room. The copier is in use by a casually dressed man. Copy Man gives Skirt Girl a once-over and approaches her. They engage in a PG-13 embrace and kiss; their hands roaming each other’s bodies. The copier goes quiet and Copy  Man collects his papers and exits.

Copy Man is making his rounds delivering documents. He deposits a folder on Booger Man’s desk. Booger Man takes out the pages and begins to leaf through them. Booger Man pauses. He pulls away his right hand to find a gloriously large booger. Booger Man looks up quizzically. Is this his gloriously large booger? How did this homing pigeon of a booger make it back to him? Booger Man’s eyes glaze over as he ponders the mysteries of the universe.

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