Thursday, April 10, 2014

Love Me Tinder

I decided to give Tinder a try. Have you not heard of Tinder? It is a dating app.  You know, on your phone. So simple. Profiles are comprised of a few pics and a very short profile. You set your preferences (be liberal, baby) and then you view profiles. Simply mark a profile as like or don’t like. Yes or no. Piece of cake! On some dating sites you can message whoever the hell the you want. Other sites tell you who you can message. On Tinder, if you say yes and she says yes then you get to trade messages  Easy!

Here is how I work it on Tinder. I view a pic. I ask myself, “if this pic were across the room at a social event would I want to talk to her?” My only expectation is to meet people. What better measure than if I would walk across a room to speak to her? Okay then. I load the App. I set my preferences, for distance and age. I see profiles. I start judging. One day later I get a hit. Exciting! Do you know what this means? This means I superficially judged a woman as “like” and she superficially judged me as “like.” Awesome!

Let me share with you the exchange. As a point of reference I am 48, she is 51. (are you judging already? Surely you would if I provided pictures).  She sends the first message.

Her:  Hello … Handsome …
What I am thinking: What is up with the dot, dot, dots? Let me think about it … you are handsome.
How I should respond: Hey there, beautiful
What I actually send:  Here I am trying to think of some clever first message, and you break the ice. What is up with you?

Her: So … What’s your story?
What I am thinking: more dot, dot, dots? Dramatic pause? Hesitancy?
How I should respond: Just a regular guy trying to find a woman to please.
What I actually send: Once upon a time. Yesterday, even , I was on central, southbound and exited at Northwest highway, heading west. So, I was on that cloverleaf ramp, pulling some G’s and I heard a brief rattle, and a screw fell from beneath the dash and hit my left foot. The end.

Her (3 hours later): Excellent Story …… U win …
What I am thinking: that is seven dots in row!
How I should respond: What is my prize?
What I actually send: That … is a true story … what is your story?

No more messages from her. How am I doing at this Tinder thing?

Tinder is the most honest and true dating app/site out there. Throughout the history of humanity how have people met? They see each other and decide to talk. At school, a party, a club, at church, wherever. You see someone and you decide you would like to meet that person. What do you know about them? Nothing. Just what you see.
What sucks about the other dating sites/apps? All the frigging details! All that frigging information! We think it helps but the exact opposite is true, it just gets in the way. First, it creates false intimacy; you think you know someone but you really have no idea. You fill in the blanks with your imagination, and if you do meet then your expectations rarely will be met. Second, it promotes laziness; we want to like someone before we meet them. Paradoxically, instead of looking for things we might like about a person, we look for what we don’t like.

I have gotten four matches so far. The one above. One whom I inadvertently swiped right (for like), and guess I will message some anyway. A third who has not yet responded to my message, perhaps she inadvertently swiped me to the right! And, of course, a spammer; where she/he/it asked me to contact her on KIK. Wait. Just added two more, and each is a real person. 

Feel the love on Tinder.