Friday, March 28, 2014

50 Things

After reading 50 Things Every Man Should Realize on Wall Street Sanity, I would like to offer a comment on each.

1. If you always believe you’re the smartest guy in the room, you’ll never learn anything.
Not if you learn humility.

2. Figure out how you would be of value in a post-apocalyptic society.
How is this answer not always "learn to produce your own food."

3. Learn CPR, the Heimlich and basic first aid.

4. Sex is best when you treat it as a competition.
This seems like shit advice. A competition with whom? I believe this mindset leads to objectification.

5. Save money. Rainy days can come out of nowhere.
See number 6 below.

6. Spend money. You can’t take it with you.
See number 5 above. Whatever.

7. Hate to break it to you, but size DOES matter.
Everybody knows this. The question is, how much?

8. Be generous and open to criticism, especially in bed.
Only at number 8 on the list and already three references to sex!

9. Your wife/girlfriend is not your mother.
If only she would stop acting like one.

10. A strong work ethic is a good substitute for being smart.
I would say more important, even.

11. Handshake agreements aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on.
Are you a lawyer?

12. Don’t let your friends drift away, because they will if you let them.
But what if they are letting me drift away?

13. Time is your most valuable commodity. Don’t waste too much of it.
I believe only pessimists see time as an enemy.

14. If you’re not happy, stop what you’re doing and do something else. Right now.
Happiness is nothing more than a choice.

15. Keep your bathroom clean and your bed made if you want a woman to use either.
Don't I first have to get a woman to come over. (4th sex reference!)

16. Failure sucks, but it feels way better than not trying.
Too bad you see sex as a competition.

17. Always be confident. Never be cocky.
This is often in the eye of the beholder.

18. Remember people’s names.
But for how long?

19. Don’t be an asshole. Seriously. Just don’t.
You mean don’t be an asshole to you.

20. Choose your role models carefully.
I like what I like.

21. Keep your mind in shape. Do a crossword. Memorize a poem. Something like that.
Okay. I agree with this.

22. If you can’t drive a stick, parallel park or jump-start a car, I’m sorry, but you can’t call yourself a man.
Or? So I need to be able to do just one of these?

23. If you’re in couples’ therapy, it’s already over.
Clearly a pessimistic and short-sited view. Depends on why you are in therapy.

24. If making money is you’re only goal in life, you’ll never be happy because you’ll never have enough.
What if my goal is to be able to buy what I want?

25. Having a toolbox and knowing how to use what’s inside of it is pretty damn important.
Is this another sex reference?

26. Know how to tell a good story. If you can’t capture people’s attention, you’re just some dude in the background.
So ... don't be myself.

27. When you get wasted, you’re not as funny as you think you are.
Yeah, too bad I am wasted and don't care.

28. Do not give a single shit about what anybody thinks of you.
This invalidates most of the items on this list.

29. Quality trumps quantity every time.
Not for commodities.

30. Do at least 50 push-ups every day.
Is this the only exercise I need do?

31. Gentlemen are a dying breed. Be one and you’ll stand out.
Of course.

32. Don’t sleep with anyone you wouldn’t buy breakfast for the next day.
Assuming of course she accepts my bathroom and bed, such as they may be. (5th sex reference!)

33. Don’t tell her you’re going to call her unless you really are. It’s chicken-shit.
But what if I don't like her bathroom and bed, such as they are?

34. A daily compliment goes a long way.
How soon until it loses its value?

35. You can’t change the past. Let it go.
But I still live in it.

36. Prepare for the future but live in the present.
Not if I am living in the past.

37. If this is the longest thing you’ve read all week, that’s sad. Crack a book once in a while, idiot.
Do Craiglist's personal ads count?

38. If she’s has had more than three different dicks in her ass, she’s probably not marriage material.
Her ass is more important than her vagina or mouth? (6th sex reference!)

39. Own up to mistakes, even if you’re not the one who made them. Nobody likes or respects the guy who refuses to accept any blame.
Isn't this the problem with the entire American culture, society, business world, and political climate?

40. Learn how to change a tire and make sure to help anyone who can’t do it themselves.
So, help the elderly?

41. No one gives a shit about your religion. Whether you’re a devout fundamentalist or a staunch atheist, keep it to yourself.
Isn't this the problem with the entire American culture, society, business world, and political climate?

42. Reevaluate your goals every couple of years. What you want out of life changes constantly.
This is why some people have money as their goal.

43. Stop holding grudges. It accomplishes nothing.
I get this.

44. Control your impulses. But it’s okay to let a few get away from you.
There is no control, or willpower. People always do what they want.

45. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve. A real man can control his emotions.
This is more restrictive than controlling my impulses?

46. Burning bridges is one of the stupidest things you can do.
What if my gut tells me different?

47. Trust your gut, even if it’s steered you wrong in the past.
Sounds like a good reason not to trust.

48. Be honest in all your relationships. Liars suck.
But not if I am hiding my emotions?

49. If you know how to play guitar, it’s much easier to get laid.
Then can I have an unmade bed and a dirty bathroom? (7th sex reference!)

50. Relax. Whatever it is, it’s not that big a deal.
This renders the list moot. So ... 1 thing every man should realize.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

I Think I Can. I Think I Can.

They say if you keep repeating something then you will come to believe it. Your behavior and attitude will change. This has worked for me before. Let’s try it again.

If I go out then nothing good will happen.
If I go out then nothing good will happen.

I say it because experience tells me it is true. I repeat it to break the urge to go out. Because nothing good happens when I go out.

When I go out I eat restaurant food, large portions of restaurant food. When I go out I drink beer, or other libations. At my age and metabolism this type of consumption does not do a body good. Nothing else happens. All I do is increase my risk factors.

Why do I go out? Why does anyone go out? For the social interaction, to meet people. The motivation being that you will "have fun." It seems we are ever in search of fun, especially so for the young. Like there is some equation you solve that results in fun.
What do I think will  occur when I go out? Empirical evidence leaves no doubt.

If I go out then nothing good will happen.
If I go out then nothing good will happen.

What sort of boring homebody will I become? The same boring homebody I already am, just without the expense and calories and futileness of going out.

If I go out then nothing good will happen.
If I go out then nothing good will happen.