Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Nice Hat Hair

From several different female sources I have heard talk about women and their multiple personalities. Not that they have dissociative identity disorder, but they just have different modes; one woman referred to each has being different filters. I have had relationships with women so I think I know a little something about these different personalities. I call them hats. Just think of a hat as a filter, if that helps.

We all have different hats. Since we are talking about women then let’s talk about their hats. Depending on where you first meet a woman, and under what conditions, you may only experience one hat, and the order may vary. This is by no means a complete list of hats.

Social Hat: Generally superficial and topical, polite and friendly. A woman is likely to treat you cordially even if she would rather stab you in the eye.
Work Hat: This isn’t so much an attitude as it focusing on work tasks.

Friend Hat: This is mostly attitude; supportive, open, and relaxed.

Family Hat: Geared for handling drama and unlikable family members because let’s face it, most of us come from screwed up families.

Girlfriend Hat: A specialized friend hat for relationships.

Lover Hat: Actually interested in sex.

Wife Hat: Houses the rules and regulations of marriage.

Mom Hat: It’s all about the kids.

Homemaker Hat: A work hat for home.

Woman have a difficult time changing hats. Most cannot transition quickly. What happens is women put one hat on top of the other with one caveat: she cannot where the Girlfriend or Lover Hats with any of the other hats. A woman can arrive home from work still wearing her Work Hat, then she puts Mom Hat and Homemaker Hat on top; all three at the same time. This is the famed ability of women to multi-task.

If you are in a relationship with this woman and later that night you would like her to wear her Lover Hat, then you are in trouble. She will never put Lover Hat on top of the others. You have to get her to remove whatever hats she is wearing and then get her to put on the Lover Hat. This is where most men fail. They are working to get the Lover Hat in place before removing whatever hats are in the way and the whole seduction falls flat.

Lucky is the man who finds a woman with the ability to quickly change hats.

The major difference with men is a man generally wears just one hat at time, and can usually change hats quickly. What a woman is looking for is a man with a wide variety of hats (who can add more hats with ease) and not just the standard Work Hat, Not Work Hat, Entertainment Hat, and Sex Hat.




Friday, February 22, 2013

Virgin Moments

There are times when I first watch a movie that I have a very strong emotional reaction to a scene. Not just an emotional reaction, which I have all the time. Not just a strong emotional reaction, which occur with some frequency. A very strong emotional reaction. I am always disappointed during subsequent viewings when I don’t get close to what I previously experienced. Two movies immediately comes to mind: Wings of Desire and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.

Spoilers below, dontcha know. If you have not seen Wings of Desire or The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou then please do. I’ll wait …

Wings of Desire is about angels who roam about the world listening in on the thoughts (hearts?) of the living. Their senses are limited. They see in black and white, cannot smell, everything is muted. What they have is the thoughts of those who are near. Imagine if you knew someone from their thoughts and inner emotions, as opposed to what is filtered for external consumption? In Wings of Desire an angel falls in love with one of the living. The angel discovers he can crossover into the mortal world, and he chooses to do so in order to experience life with his love.

The scene in question is when the angel first crosses over. We have seen Berlin from his perspective: black, white, gray, muted. After he crosses over the world comes alive. He walks down a street taking it all in. The noise. The color. All of the sensations. He is overjoyed with the sensory overload. Upon first viewing (in a theater) I was right there with him. Like I was actually looking at the world for the first time, and not just seeing it fuzzily pass in my peripheral vision. I had a wonderful feeling of delight and curiosity.

On the second viewing I wanted to feel that again. I did not. I was also viewing with someone else, her first time to see it. She didn’t much like the movie, and of course had no similar feeling towards that scene.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou concerns an ocean exploration group searching for the previously unknown “jaguar shark” that killed one of their crewmates, Steve’s friend and mentor. Steve Zissou is their leader and while most of the story is his, there is an eclectic group of characters involved. The movie is about the choices we make and the consequences we experience, including the effects on the people in our lives. Steve Zissou’s search for the shark becomes a quest for the talisman of his self-actualization, and the acceptance of loss and the perseverance of kinship.

The scene in question is when Steve Zissou and virtually all the other characters cram into a submersible to descend upon the jaguar shark. They are all with him;  with all of his personal and emotional baggage in tow. Will they act as ballast and sink him to the bottom? Or will they be the buoyancy that redeems him? It is a great moment. I found myself envious and jealous that his friends have joined him and support him on this journey; on his life’s journey. He is not alone.

The Life Aquatic stands up much better than Wings of Desire. In fact, I own The Life Aquatic and have watched it in many times. As much as I enjoy it, that one scene has never been as moving as the during the first viewing.

In each instance my first viewings were when I attended a movie theater alone. Just me, a small audience, the dark, and the story. I seemingly cannot relive those virgins moments of movie watching. I simply await the moment when it happens again with a new movie.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Older Women My Own Age

On a recent visit to the dentist we talked about dating. Well, he talked about dating. I couldn’t talk because his hands were in my mouth. Which I suppose I was enduring for the prospect of dating, or more likely just to have healthy teeth, because we all know I have zero dating prospects. My dentist is a few years younger than me, and he looks even younger. We are both divorced, so I guess that added to the bonding element (ha!). He spoke of his disappointment in his aging dating pool, saying, “I don’t want to date my mother.” How many women can hear this statement and understand his point (not that you have to like it)? I understood immediately and I think most men would, too. “I don’t want to date my mother.”

How many 25 year old women find 50 year old men attractive? I would say many do. Just think of some 50 year old (or even older) male celebrities. Do these men look young? Typically they do not. They are simply older, handsome men. And many younger women find them attractive. How many 25 year old men find 50 year old women attractive? Not very many. Young men consider older women attractive when the women look younger. Women find handsome men of any age attractive. Men find women who look young to be more attractive.

Move ahead 25 years. What we find attractive is unlikely to have changed. 50 year old women are still attracted to handsome men of any age. 50 year old men are still attracted to women you look young.

Back to not dating my mother. When a man creeps into his late 40’s he begins to notice his dating pool – women near his age – is beginning to remind him of his mom. That is, what his mom looked like to him when he was in his early 20’s. I am not talking MILF’s here.

I will be 48 in a few months and I don’t want to date my mother. I don’t find many 50 year old women attractive; not unless they look 40. Although I am attempting a paradigm shift. I am trying to look at older women (i.e. women my own age) and see them with different eyes. To quote Pulp Fiction, “ I am trying real hard, Ringo.” Maybe I won’t have to wait until I am 60 to find 50 year old women attractive.