Something To Talk About

It has been suggested I blog about something more personal. What can be more personal than sharing inane mental ramblings? Most bloggers, it seems, are either wanna-be journalists, pushing some agenda, or those whose blogs are more like diary entries.

Fine. Let’s talk about my love life. Is that personal enough for ya?! I’ll just throw out some stories and we’ll see what lands.

When it comes to dating I always seem to have no choices, or multiple choices. Never is it so easy as having one person I find interesting. There is either none, zero, zilch, or there is two or more. How long do I string each along before making a choice? I can tell you right now, I always choose too early. I am no good at stringing along.

I met this one woman; let’s call her Rockwall Girl. Rockwall Girl and I got along well enough. A good rapport. Within days I met a second woman; let’s call her Frisco Girl. Frisco Girl was going well, too. After going out with each, I eventually felt compelled to choose. I was leaning toward Rockwall Girl, and there was talk of “escalation.” But then spent time with Frisco Girl and I’m thinking it is going really good. As I said, I felt compelled to choose.

I speak with Rockwall Girl and tell her that any talk of “escalation” is just that, talk; that I was going to move on down the road. The next time I go out with Frisco Girl she does a brave and right thing and informs me she has herpes. We have a discussion about it. I do some research on it. Nope. Just couldn’t pull the trigger on that. Sorry, Frisco Girl.

To me, I was never supposed to get together with Rockwall Girl. Frisco Girl came along to stop that from happening. But, I wasn’t supposed to get together with Frisco Girl, either. Her job done, she has herpes to put the nip in that bud. Things ended up just as they are supposed to be. Alone.

I am just not that into her. This happens to me frequently. While I want a relationship, I don’t need one, so I don’t go out with someone just because I can.  I don’t date just to date, and the consequence is that I let burgeoning relationships die on the vine because I am apparently not that into her. Two cases in point, several years apart.

Wine Girl. What was not to like about Wine Girl? We went out several times, including bowling with her kids, and she did something nice on my birthday. Then one day I realize it had been two weeks since I had spoken to her. I figured if I went two weeks without thinking to call her, or going out with her, then clearly I wasn’t interested. Like a default decision. 

Lake Girl and I seemed to hit it off well, in some ways we got along very well. Again, what was not to like? Again, I simply lost interest and motivation; regardless of how much I thought I liked her.

Let’s put this another way. Perhaps I suck at dating. That is not to say I am wet rag on dates. Quite the contrary, if I say so myself. I just suck at getting to know someone through dating. My preference is to get to know someone in a more casual setting, without any expectations. Whenever I have felt strongly about someone it has been when I have gotten to know them in a setting other than going on dates. Invariably they are not available, or not interested. Perhaps things are as they are supposed to be. Alone.

Let’s finish with some quickies …

Class Girl. This was a case of too much information too soon. I need to not spill my guts so much. 

College Girl. An abrupt reverse course. Lead me down one path and then didn’t like it when I embraced it.

Running Girl. Awesome. She might had been available, but she thought I was 10 years younger than I am (which makes her very generous!).

Experiment Girl. I waffled too much, but then there wasn’t really much there, aside from the experiment.

Lonely Girl. Kind of depressing, really. Not a good idea. 

Navy Girl. Not a good match, we both agreed. But we did try.

Flower Girl. Game player? Says one thing, does another, but seems genuinely conflicted.

Next Girl. Should there even be a next girl? Maybe I will join a convent. Alone.

Cheers!

Loneliness As Motivation

I completed a book called Wild Seed, by Octavia E. Butler. The book covers much ground, including slavery, racism, sexism, choice (or lack thereof), family, and different aspects of personal relationships.  The theme that caught my attention was loneliness.

In the book there are two immortal humans, while the rest of humanity is its regular dying self. A man has lived for over 3,000 years. He has done so because he has the ability to move from body to body. When he moves into a body the original owner is killed. The bodies he leaves behind fall to ground, meeting their physical end. A woman has lived for over 300 years. She has the ability to see into her own cells and manipulate them. Thus she can heal all wounds, cure all sickness, and keep her body young.

The woman is a classic “gatherer.” Even though she outlives all of her progeny she prefers to be near family, and continues to hold emotional attachments to all of her decedents.  The man has essentially lost touch with his humanity. He is as unfeeling towards humans as we are to insects. At most he sees humans as a commodity (the book makes many references to humans as livestock). If the woman were to live for thousands of years would she too lose empathy towards other humans?

The idea is put forth that the man has lost his humanity because of loneliness. He has long ago lost any emotional connection. The remedy is for him to accept the woman as some sort of companion, and to not kill her as he would eventually do. He can become human again because of emotional connection through companionship.

It got me thinking about the power of loneliness, and the motivation to avoid loneliness. How often is our behavior dictated by our loneliness? How often do we force, or settle for, a relationship in order to avoid being alone? How often do we accept undesirable situations in a relationships so as not to lose that relationship? How often do we seek out casual sex to get a temporary feeling of acceptance?

If you are unable, or unwilling, to be alone then are you leading an emotionally healthy life? Conversely, what if you have accepted being alone to the point where you are unable, or unwilling, to begin relationships? As usual, the answer lies in-between. Moderation. Balance.