Searching for a girlfriend is too much work. Every time you encounter a woman you are evaluating her, judging her, giving her a score. Deciding whether or not to approach, or flirt, or to ask for her number, or to ask her out. This is not something you can do just some of the time. You are working against the law of averages here, so to have any success whatsoever you have to engage in it most of the time. I am sure some men thrive on this activity. To me, however, it is a chore. It is distracting, and eventually exhausting. Ultimately, that is not who I am. It isn’t me.
Internet dating, you may suggest. That might work if most people used internet dating simply as a means of meeting people. Two problems. Sit In Judgment and False Intimacy. Everyone Sits In Judgment while internet dating. You become much more demanding, much less accepting, and generally less trusting. You are looking for what you don’t like, as opposed to what you do. When you decide to convey interest, and it is mutual, then you should meet in person. But not so for most; they prefer to exchange information, history, etc. Get to know each other online. This can generate False Intimacy. You think you know a person, but you really don’t. All you have is information, not knowledge. During this time you fill in the blanks with your imagination, which is almost always busted when you eventually do meet in person. Internet dating? No thanks.
Inertia. Some people are perpetual daters. When one relationship ends they quickly move into the next one. It is really just one long relationship. You do the same things, behave the same way, your needs and wants are the same, and your eventual issues are the same. You just trade out partners over time. When I first divorced I purposely avoided any thoughts of dating. I am used to being on my own. Inertia now keeps me out of a relationship.
Not because I can. I am not going to go out with someone just because I can. There has to be something extra there. I am not talking love at first sight (which I don’t discount, either). I am looking for something a little extra that separates her from other women I find attractive. And I have to feel this something extra, as opposed to it simply being a woman’s apparent interest in me (which is always good but by itself cannot sustain). Have I felt this something extra? Yes, I have, but to no avail.
I live my life. I do the activities I want to do. If in doing so I meet someone, get to know her, and we hit it off, then fantastic. If not, then fantastic.