Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Share Hair Care

Let’s talk about hair.

Want to know why I am thinking about hair? I will tell you why. I recently found myself in the restroom at work pulling gray hairs outta my eyebrows … without tweezers. Why do gray eyebrow hairs grow longer than the darker hairs? Why do gray eyebrow hairs grow at angles different than the darker hairs? Must be some kinda curse; gray hairs working so hard to stand out. So. Let us visit some hair topics.

Wild, Wild Hair

I am generally not a hairy person. However, over the years the hair just keeps growing in previously barren patches of skin. The first indicator of my wild, wild hair was a visit to a hair stylist. (Don’t get excited. My version of a hair stylist it the 15 buck a cut version at places like Great Clips.) One time at the hair stylist she took the electric trimmers and ran it across my eyebrows. I didn’t have Gandalf the Gray bushy eyebrows, but she ran those trimmers across anyway. Then she ran the trimmer along edge of my ears! What! Along the edge of my ears?!

This was the beginning of the curse because then I started to get hairs in my eyebrows that were longer and standing out; the foundation of bushy sprouts. Then I would sometimes find a half-inch long hair growing out the edge of an ear. What. The. Fudge. Just sticking out, growing sideways, outta the edge of my ear. Random hairs began appearing along my shoulders and upper back. Now I got hair on my stomach. A few small patches on my lower back. Hair on my butt cheeks! (No 80’s version of Mel Gibson’s ass for me.) More hair growing outta my ears, and outta my nose.

Hair, hair everywhere! Which leads us to ….


Many months ago I popped into a bar/restaurant for food a few drinks. For reasons beyond my reckoning a table of four women was paying attention to me. So I pulled up a stool and joined them. They immediately asked if I was familiar with the term “manscapping.” To which I replied, “I did me some manscapping earlier today.” Do I need to say more? Would you like to know the details of my manscaping? There really isn’t much to tell. This is mostly just a teaser topic.

Am I supposed to remove my chest hair? Because when I lived in an apartment and would go to the pool, the men were all hairless. At the gym, etc, many men seem hairless. On TV and in the movies: most are hairless. What do they do? Shave it? (Sounds like an investment in time. Who wants the stubble?!) Get it waxed? (Again, time. And money) Laser hair removal? (How effective is that? Even more crazy time, and crazy money). I am a mammal. Mammals have hair.

Onset of Gray Hair

My very first gray hair was noticed by a college girlfriend. There was no real encroachment on that front until my 30’s.  I recall when my daughter, at an age around 5, drew a picture of me and she gave me gray hair. Gray chest hair creeps in. The aforementioned gray eyebrow hairs. Okay. Get ready for it. Here is comes. Then you get a visit from the Gray Pubic Hair Fairy. Yep. If there is any reason to embrace manscaping, this would be it. Now I have noticed a little patch of gray hairs on my left arm, near the wrist. The right arm? No such patch. The left arm? A fuzzy patch of gray. Whatever.

Women and Their Hair

We can’t have a discussion about hair and leave out the women folk! Woman color their hair, pluck their hair, shape their hair, and otherwise remove their hair. And I don’t want to have it any other way. Dainty eyebrows? Yes, please. No underarm hair? Yes, please. Smooth legs? Yes, please. Take care of that bikini line? Yes, please. You know where this is leading. And when it comes to that; hair, no hair, some hair, whatever hair, it is all good. Well, as long as there is no unkempt hair. You know what I mean? Hey, as long as she cares about her hairs.

So. Final word. Hair, no hair, it’s all good.

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