Pick a Lane!

“Dad, you talk to cars more than anyone else I know.” So says my son. Granted, he isn’t riding around with too many different people, not at his age, but I do talk to cars. Sometimes I yell. Although I am never really angry, just being expressive and dramatic.

The first thing I ever said to a car was, “Pick a lane!” You have been there before, driving behind someone who is straddling the white line or at least veering over to the side, hugging that line. “Pick a lane!”

I commonly throw in a name, too. It could be the make or model, or something based on a bumper or window sticker, or if the plate is out of state. If I know the gender of the driver I might add a prefix. “Pick a lane, Mr. New Mexico!”

“Make the turn. Make the turn! MAKE THE TURN!” Dontcha hate when you are behind someone making a right turn and they slow to a near stop and then crawl through the turn for no obvious reason? “Make the turn, Toyota!”

 

“Don’t do it! Don’t do it!” This you can say under a variety of circumstances, but most often I say it when someone looks like they are thinking of turning into the traffic flow in front of me when clearly there is not enough space. “Don’t do it, Mustang!”

Most of the time it is more conversational. “Watcha gonna do, Ms. Minivan?” Or, “I see what you are doing there, Ford Truck.” Or when someone wants to move into my lane but is hesitating, “Come on over, red rover.” (game reference, not a Land Rover reference)

One of my favs, never combined with a name and when said with the proper sarcasm will usually get laughs from any passengers, is “The accelerator is the pedal on the right!”