Hierarchy of Blame
Depending on what you support (or use) you may not have
this same list of folks to blame for problems with your system.
User Error
Is there any subset of humans more troublesome than
users? They are either ignorant, stupid, or both. You know how whenever you
call a help line (which makes YOU the user) they always start with the most
fundamental of questions? That is because the first to blame for your problems
is you. Some users are so good at being wrong that the only way to set them
straight is to look over their shoulder as they recreate their “problem.” If
something goes wrong then the first finger is pointed at the user.
Security
If you can’t do something in the system then it must be
because you don’t have the proper access; access that most certainly should
have been figured out and applied to your account well before you ever wanted
to use it. The security team will try to confuse you with whatever nomenclature
applies to your system: permission lists, query trees, security search records,
row level security, component interfaces, web libraries, yada, yada, yada. They
are like magicians, distracting you while they do some “magic.” Once you get
past the triage that is the help desk then the second finger is pointed at
security.
Working As Designed
You may not like how it works. You may not agree with how
it works. You may be confused and bewildered by how it works. That is how it
works. Get over it already. The third finger is the middle finger. Brought to
you by the designers of your system.
Production Support
There are folks who are responsible for knowing how
everything works. They test. They design. They develop. They troubleshoot. They
document. They educate. Sometimes they suck at it. You know where to put that fourth finger.
DBA’s (or equivalent know-it-alls with access to
everything)
You notify the DBA’s of a problem and they will
immediately forward it to someone else. You know that old comic Family Circus?
With the ghost-like “Not Me” who breaks things and screws things up? “Not Me”
is who the kids blame when the parents ask who did something. “Not Me” is what
the DBA’s say. Only after the problem has been redirected multiple times will
the DBA’s take a serious look at it. Fifth finger pointed.
You have a problem? Is it legitimate? No worries, just
sit back and let the hierarchy of blame runs its course. Enjoy the ride.
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