Interrogation Dating

I am reading "In the Garden of Beasts: Love, Terror and an American Family in Hitler’s Berlin" by Erik Larson. It is the story of the U.S. Ambassador to Germany, and his family, in 1933-34 Berlin. The daughter, Martha Dodd, gets lots of page time. She is way into the social scene, and a bit of a hussy, who turns into a spy! But I digress … At one point she is courted by a Russian diplomat and during their first date the conversation devolves into interrogation-style questions, and this is seen as uncommon and unexpected for a first date.

I thought, “HA! That is exactly what first dates are in today’s world. They are interrogations!” And I immediately marked the page.

Not just first dates, but really, internet dating is nothing but an interrogation. Some would say first dates/internet dating is an audition, which means you are selling yourself. True. But that is not the point. The real purpose of first/internet dates is to figure out who the other person really is. The assumption is the other person is hiding behind a mask of manipulated photos or appearance, and packaged information; a lure for reeling in a fish, from the sea, so to speak.

How sad and boring our culture has become.

We no longer just get to know someone, instead we constantly evaluate others, judging their attributes against our scorecard. Big money! Big money! No whammies!! That is, anyone we might consider in our dating pool.

On a work-related trip I recently spent several hours in a car with others, both men and women, and for various reasons none of us are in the other’s dating pool, not the least of which because some are no longer swimming! We engaged in a lively, dynamic conversation that naturally flowed across different topics. This is how it should always be, even in dating situations. Actually, dating situations should be ignored until you get to know someone first!

That’s right. I said it. We should court. Our immediate-gratification drive-through home-delivery superficial culture has turned dating into an interrogation. We are simply window shopping, and window dressing. Pretty soon you will be able to tag parts of singles profiles on Pinterest. Gimmie a little of this and a little of that; put my dream person together Frankenstein style.

In our high-tech world with its myriad of connections via so called “social” networks we are not very social, and disconnected from ourselves and others.

Living the dream is the same as living the lie. Get out there and be who you are without regards to the packaging, and if you say the packaging is who you are then you have swallowed the rancid bait of our marketing drenched culture; hook, line, and sinker.