Humans
are social animals, but let’s face it, most people suck. You can, of course,
choose to tolerate or simply ignore those things you do not like about people.
Just about everyone does this. Or, at least, we accept them because in return
we are getting something we want. In fact, tolerating and ignoring is what
allows humans to be social animals. Right up until we snap and become other
things that humans are: selfish, cruel, and violent animals. Actually, we are
selfish and cruel without snapping, we just hide them well.
The
point is, what’s the point? Is it really necessary to settle? Must you choose
to get along with others? Can you not seek out those with whom you naturally
get along? They are out there, you know. There are people whose company you can
enjoy without working so hard at it. The question is, what do you do in the
meantime?
Most
choose to settle in the meantime. While they are holding out for something
better they choose to tolerate and ignore, especially when getting something
they want. The problem here is that settling can make you less available for
finding and recognizing naturally compatible companions. Settling in the
meantime easily translates into settling for life. This is really the big
choice. Do you risk being alone in hopes of establishing a more rewarding
relationships? Or do get what you need from whomever is at hand?
If
you make the tough choice to hold out this means you are alone in the meantime.
How to be alone.
Let’s
frame this according to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Honestly, what else are we
to do with knowledge gleaned from PSYCH 101? Here are the details, and
interestingly many of the items listed do not require another person in your
life!
·
Physiological:
breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, homeostasis, excretion
By
definition physiological needs are achieved alone; no companionship required.
Sex might seem the exception, but in this case sex is expressed as the need for
physical release, as opposed to intimacy (which is under Love/Belonging). All
you need for physiological sex is your own helping hand. Food and water might
be more easily procured with the aid of others, but certainly not required.
Homeostasis and breathing you do on your own; unless someone is smothering you,
which usually happens when you settle! Bodily excretion is something most
prefer to do in private, but if this is your fetish, well then, it would fall in
Love/Belonging under sexual intimacy. ;-)
·
Safety:
security of body, employment, resources, morality, family, health, property
Safety
(and health) in numbers, they say, so it might be safe to not be alone.
However, nothing is more safe (and no communicable diseases) then being completely
alone! You could apply the same argument to employment, but if you are alone then
you still need some personal interaction and you would get that from work acquaintances.
Of course, being self-employed means you are more alone. Resources? Whatever.
Prospect alone. We don’t need no stinking badges! Morality is only meaningful
with regards to other people. If you are alone, then what use is morality? You
already have a family (mom, dad, etc), do you really need more?
·
Love/belonging:
friendship, family, sexual intimacy.
You
could go the 100% hermit route and never interact with another living soul, but
we are talking about those loners who still contribute to society. Sure you can
have friends, but they should be work acquaintances and service staff (bartenders,
waiters, etc). Even the most skilled loners will sometimes go out to dinner
(alone, of course) just for the personal interaction with other humans. Family
again? You mean I have to actually get along with my family? Sex in this
category is for emotional and intellectual satisfaction. This can be a tough one
for loners, but if while achieving physical satisfaction via self-service you were
to imagine situations in which you achieved emotional and intellectual
satisfaction, then you are certainly a highly skilled loner!
·
Esteem:
self-esteem, confidence, achievement, respect of others, respect by others.
Esteem
is simply about setting goals and achieving those goals. You can get that
through work and personal habits. That is it. Throwing in “others,” which I
would describe as acknowledgement by others, actually makes you dependent on others;
a key failing in those who cannot be alone. Since people are always trying to
tear you down it is best not to care what others think. That is the source of
true confidence!
·
Self-actualization:
morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, lack of prejudice,
acceptance of facts.
Self-actualization
is to look inside yourself and be the best person possible. Why would you want others
in your life gumming up the works? They would want you to be the best possible
person for them, not for yourself. Screw
them!
