Pubic Hair: the movie

Spoilers below, of course.

 

The movie Trance, written by Joe Ahearne and John Hodge, and directed by Danny Boyle, is a crime thriller. But once you see Rosario Dawson fully naked you don’t really care because you are too busy scratching through the hair on your head wondering about the importance of the lack of hair on Rosario’s vagina.

Let me back up a bit.

Several weeks ago I shared a table and drinks with four married women, who I first met that evening. They were clearly on a rampage to stir it up, however safely, with a bachelor. The very first topic of conversation was manscapping, which from there was an easy segue into each woman’s pubic hair maintenance routine. Bare down there is definitely in, but who wasn’t aware of this? Brazilian waxes have been mainstream for over a decade. Point being it is no rare thing to find that a woman’s thing is completely hairless.

Back to the movie.

The lead character finds hairless vaginas to be da bomb. It is his fetish. If something so commonplace can be a fetish. I mean this is 2013, not 1973. Certainly you may prefer no pubic hair, but to gape in astonished awe at a freshly shorn hoo-haa stirs only incredulity in the viewer. Incredulity towards the screenwriters. Who the hell are these guys? Raised by nuns in a secluded boys orphanage who leave the nest only to discover the wondrous world of smooth lady parts?

The lead character is into renaissance art. You know, where the nudes were usually plumb, angelic, and a tad too young looking, especially since none of them ever have any pubic hair. Then along comes Francisco Goya, who around 1800 or so paints in the faintest of landing strips. Voila, says the lead character, the birth of modern art. This was considered scandalous at the time, to include pubic hair in a female nude painting. Goya apparently paid for it during the Spanish Inquisition. Ironic, considering that actresses today sometimes wear fake pubic hair (called a merkin) in certain movies so as not to offend delicate modern audiences.

The woman in the lead character’s life, Rosario Dawson, knows of his … fetish. I guess we can call it a fetish, and not just a preference. Here is how the scene goes down, so to speak. Rosario says she knows what he likes, and she disappears down the hall into her bathroom. You can hear the hair trimmers humming away. So I guess she went back there with a 1970’s bush because I honestly thought she was going all Sinead O’Conner. Sounded like she was removing hair from the heads of a newly recruited army platoon. Rosario catwalk struts out of the bathroom (I’m too sexy for this hair, too sexy for this hair, it is gone from down there) and the camera pans up her body, past her smooth love triangle, which is triangle no more. The lead character gasps in astonishment.

I am thinking two things. One, what kind of electric trimmer removes hair completely and so effectively without any apparent burns or irritation? I need one of those to shave my face. Two, the makers of this movie are like Austin Powers, or something. Time travelled from a past forested with pubic hair to the smooth operators of today. Yeah, baby.

French Kiss This

There is an article on The Gloss, written by Amanda Chatel, about how French men are the best lovers. I follow Amanda Chatel on Twitter so I know she has been in Paris standing on French streets with French shower water on her body and nothing else under her raincoat while she French kisses her French lover. I have never had sex with a Frenchman, nor a Frenchwoman for that matter. In fact I am an American male who has had sex only with American females, so what can I possibly know about comparative sexual enjoyment across international lines?

Like that is going to stop me from talking about it. We are not products of our culture. Culture is a product of its inhabitants. Let’s correlate culture to lovemaking style.

There is a stereotype for French culture, and how do stereotypes comes into existence? Because they are mostly true, mostly. I have been to Paris so I know the French like to use open spaces. Wide sidewalks and avenues, expansive parks and green spaces. I also believe the unofficial French motto is “every person for themselves.” Best seen at the Arc de Triomphe were 12 avenues converge with no traffic control whatsoever. The only way you make it through there is by taking the initiative and being aggressive. Also exemplified by how the French stand in line. Generally they don’t; it is often a mass of people jockeying for position.

The French are about sitting around and enjoying wine or coffee. The French are about long meals with personal interaction. French movies are meandering and slow, with lingering shots and plotlines involved with relating and connecting.

Isn’t all of the above the description of a great lover? Take the initiative and be aggressive. Use open bodily spaces. Take it slow and enjoy. Linger. Relate and connect to your partner’s body, not just her naughty bits.

America. Ah, America. Fast food. Usually doing something else while eating. In a hurry to accomplish tasks. Achieve goals. Win. Destination orientated. Image conscious. Overly concerned with what others are doing. And America movies? Fast paced. Loud. Blunt. Big on the action and little on the plot. America is about the individual, concerned with meeting their own needs.

Which sounds like better sex to you??

Someone Has To Bloom

 

I was leaving a restaurant after lunch, by myself of course, and noticed a flower that had sprouted in the cement jungle, along the edge of a curb. My initial thought was that flower is like me; flourishing alone in a harsh and lonely environment.

The world is most certainly harsh. Everyone wants something from you, and most often what they want is for you to go away and leave them alone. Not that they want to be alone. On the contrary, most people can’t accept being alone; they are just picky about with whom they are not alone. I am the exact same way. Am I not people? The trick is to find people with whom you can get along, and them with you; and how much you are willing to settle in order to not be alone. That is a difference between people: how much they will tolerate so as to not be alone. I am not much for settling.

That was one thought, anyway.

Another thought: you look at that flower squeezing a life outta that cement and think about how hard it must be. Life is hard, right? What a struggle it must have been for that flower. It is inspirational to see that flower flourishing. A testament to dedication and perseverance. Why, if that flower can make it against all odds then why can’t I achieve great things?!

Right. Next thought.

That flower didn’t do a goddamn thing. Or precisely, that flower is not doing anything more than any other flower. It is simply being itself. In fact, growing where it is growing is just as easy as growing anywhere else.

We humans like to confuse odds with effort. When someone beats the odds then we say it was due to effort, when it was really just luck. Something had to grow there. This flower grew there. This flower has achieved something great for being itself; for being the benefit of circumstance. If not this flower then it would have been another flower, and looked the same to us, regardless of its actual struggle, or lack thereof.

Celebrities. Famous people. So called high achievers. They are just like this flower. They are nothing special. They were being themselves when circumstances elevated them. If not them, then someone else. It is not them but everyone else who makes them what they are.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nice Hat Hair

From several different female sources I have heard talk about women and their multiple personalities. Not that they have dissociative identity disorder, but they just have different modes; one woman referred to each has being different filters. I have had relationships with women so I think I know a little something about these different personalities. I call them hats. Just think of a hat as a filter, if that helps.

We all have different hats. Since we are talking about women then let’s talk about their hats. Depending on where you first meet a woman, and under what conditions, you may only experience one hat, and the order may vary. This is by no means a complete list of hats.

Social Hat: Generally superficial and topical, polite and friendly. A woman is likely to treat you cordially even if she would rather stab you in the eye.

 

Work Hat: This isn’t so much an attitude as it focusing on work tasks.

Friend Hat: This is mostly attitude; supportive, open, and relaxed.

Family Hat: Geared for handling drama and unlikable family members because let’s face it, most of us come from screwed up families.

Girlfriend Hat: A specialized friend hat for relationships.

Lover Hat: Actually interested in sex.

Wife Hat: Houses the rules and regulations of marriage.

Mom Hat: It’s all about the kids.

Homemaker Hat: A work hat for home.

Woman have a difficult time changing hats. Most cannot transition quickly. What happens is women put one hat on top of the other with one caveat: she cannot where the Girlfriend or Lover Hats with any of the other hats. A woman can arrive home from work still wearing her Work Hat, then she puts Mom Hat and Homemaker Hat on top; all three at the same time. This is the famed ability of women to multi-task.

If you are in a relationship with this woman and later that night you would like her to wear her Lover Hat, then you are in trouble. She will never put Lover Hat on top of the others. You have to get her to remove whatever hats she is wearing and then get her to put on the Lover Hat. This is where most men fail. They are working to get the Lover Hat in place before removing whatever hats are in the way and the whole seduction falls flat.

Lucky is the man who finds a woman with the ability to quickly change hats.

The major difference with men is a man generally wears just one hat at time, and can usually change hats quickly. What a woman is looking for is a man with a wide variety of hats (who can add more hats with ease) and not just the standard Work Hat, Not Work Hat, Entertainment Hat, and Sex Hat.

 

 

 

Virgin Moments

There are times when I first watch a movie that I have a very strong emotional reaction to a scene. Not just an emotional reaction, which I have all the time. Not just a strong emotional reaction, which occur with some frequency. A very strong emotional reaction. I am always disappointed during subsequent viewings when I don’t get close to what I previously experienced. Two movies immediately comes to mind: Wings of Desire and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.

Spoilers below, dontcha know. If you have not seen Wings of Desire or The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou then please do. I’ll wait …

Wings of Desire is about angels who roam about the world listening in on the thoughts (hearts?) of the living. Their senses are limited. They see in black and white, cannot smell, everything is muted. What they have is the thoughts of those who are near. Imagine if you knew someone from their thoughts and inner emotions, as opposed to what is filtered for external consumption? In Wings of Desire an angel falls in love with one of the living. The angel discovers he can crossover into the mortal world, and he chooses to do so in order to experience life with his love.

The scene in question is when the angel first crosses over. We have seen Berlin from his perspective: black, white, gray, muted. After he crosses over the world comes alive. He walks down a street taking it all in. The noise. The color. All of the sensations. He is overjoyed with the sensory overload. Upon first viewing (in a theater) I was right there with him. Like I was actually looking at the world for the first time, and not just seeing it fuzzily pass in my peripheral vision. I had a wonderful feeling of delight and curiosity.

On the second viewing I wanted to feel that again. I did not. I was also viewing with someone else, her first time to see it. She didn’t much like the movie, and of course had no similar feeling towards that scene.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou concerns an ocean exploration group searching for the previously unknown “jaguar shark” that killed one of their crewmates, Steve’s friend and mentor. Steve Zissou is their leader and while most of the story is his, there is an eclectic group of characters involved. The movie is about the choices we make and the consequences we experience, including the effects on the people in our lives. Steve Zissou’s search for the shark becomes a quest for the talisman of his self-actualization, and the acceptance of loss and the perseverance of kinship.

The scene in question is when Steve Zissou and virtually all the other characters cram into a submersible to descend upon the jaguar shark. They are all with him;  with all of his personal and emotional baggage in tow. Will they act as ballast and sink him to the bottom? Or will they be the buoyancy that redeems him? It is a great moment. I found myself envious and jealous that his friends have joined him and support him on this journey; on his life’s journey. He is not alone.

The Life Aquatic stands up much better than Wings of Desire. In fact, I own The Life Aquatic and have watched it in many times. As much as I enjoy it, that one scene has never been as moving as the during the first viewing.

In each instance my first viewings were when I attended a movie theater alone. Just me, a small audience, the dark, and the story. I seemingly cannot relive those virgins moments of movie watching. I simply await the moment when it happens again with a new movie.

 

 

 

Older Women My Own Age

On a recent visit to the dentist we talked about dating. Well, he talked about dating. I couldn’t talk because his hands were in my mouth. Which I suppose I was enduring for the prospect of dating, or more likely just to have healthy teeth, because we all know I have zero dating prospects. My dentist is a few years younger than me, and he looks even younger. We are both divorced, so I guess that added to the bonding element (ha!). He spoke of his disappointment in his aging dating pool, saying, “I don’t want to date my mother.” How many women can hear this statement and understand his point (not that you have to like it)? I understood immediately and I think most men would, too. “I don’t want to date my mother.”

How many 25 year old women find 50 year old men attractive? I would say many do. Just think of some 50 year old (or even older) male celebrities. Do these men look young? Typically they do not. They are simply older, handsome men. And many younger women find them attractive. How many 25 year old men find 50 year old women attractive? Not very many. Young men consider older women attractive when the women look younger. Women find handsome men of any age attractive. Men find women who look young to be more attractive.

Move ahead 25 years. What we find attractive is unlikely to have changed. 50 year old women are still attracted to handsome men of any age. 50 year old men are still attracted to women you look young.

Back to not dating my mother. When a man creeps into his late 40’s he begins to notice his dating pool – women near his age – is beginning to remind him of his mom. That is, what his mom looked like to him when he was in his early 20’s. I am not talking MILF’s here.

I will be 48 in a few months and I don’t want to date my mother. I don’t find many 50 year old women attractive; not unless they look 40. Although I am attempting a paradigm shift. I am trying to look at older women (i.e. women my own age) and see them with different eyes. To quote Pulp Fiction, “ I am trying real hard, Ringo.” Maybe I won’t have to wait until I am 60 to find 50 year old women attractive.

Movie (mystic river) and Tangent

There are some spoilers below. Kinda. You should watch Mystic River and then return!

I re-watched Mystic River. I have seen it only once before, in the theater during its original release. I would have voted it best picture that year. I recall it had a powerful ending, but I did not derive any conclusions at that time. I have now.

You might think the central theme of Mystic River is what it means to be a man. A manly man. An alpha male. Certainly covered, but not the main theme, and what it says about becoming a man is not what you might think. The movie implies an event in your childhood can derail your train ride to being a man. In a sense, every boy is born a future alpha male. Getting there as an adult is just a product of chance. Events from your childhood can damage you; take away your mojo. Whether or not you make it to alpha male is a product of events beyond your control. Essentially random.

The central theme of Mystic River is family loyalty, completely revealed during the final scene. The story involves three families. One family is destroyed because the wife was not loyal to her husband, thus causing his death. She would say she was doing the right thing. Although she should have gone to the police with her story, and not the alpha male married to her cousin. If she would have stood by her husband just one more day then he would still be alive (albeit with other problems). Of the remaining two families  one is together because of the husband’s loyalty to and patience with his estranged wife, and the other because of the wife’s and husband’s devotion to each other. Right or wrong. Good or bad. You stand by your family. 

Now for a tangent (bait and switch?) …

There apparently is some study. You know, we asked several hundred people this or that so we can get a news headline. The results indicate that circumstances under which you lose your virginity can impact your attitude toward sex. In the simplest terms if when you lost your virginity, including how you were treated post-cherry popping, you found it to be a generally comfortable and satisfying experience then you are likely to have a more open and accepting approach to sex. And vice versa.

And what of the alpha male? No doubt even when losing one’s virginity an alpha male is gonna be all alpha-y and what not. If his partner responds well to his alpha-ness then he is good to go. He might become the classic pin-her-to-the-wall-and-pull-her-hair kinda lover so many 50 Shades wannabes are interested in. (Although, me thinks the 50 Shades wannabes are really interested in a late-20’s handsome billionaire.)

What if his partner does not respond well? If he is an alpha male to the core then he doesn’t care about his partner’s response; his virginity losing experience will not keep him from being god’s gift to women. If he is borderline alpha male then said event could knock from the manly man path, turning him into a sensitive metrosexual man who treats women with respect (i.e. a loser).

So. Bottom line. Go out and get some. Unless you respect women. Then go out and come home alone.