I am not much of a dater. I can go months or even years
without going on a date. William Faulkner and I have something in common, we
both like to say that a thing cannot exist unless there is also a not-thing. A
thing is defined by what contradicts it. William says it over the course of
many books. I just kinda say it. If I am going to be a non-dater, then I am
going to have to define that through brief periods of dating. Thus … dating
stories.
It begins at a bar. On a Tuesday night. About six weeks
ago.
I arrive at the bar and must make a monumental decision:
where to sit. Where you choose to sit can change your life, or not. The
opposite side was empty but I decided to forego that and I sat directly next to
a couple. Girl next to me, her date on the other side. I say her date because
with very little eavesdropping it was clear they were on a first date, based on
the questions he was asking her. They commented on the food I ordered. So that
opened up some intermittent conversation. Next step was whenever he went to the
restroom I would chat her up. Good banter. Her purse was hanging between us on
a hook under the bar. I wrote my cell number on a business card, along with a
joke to remind her who I was, and slipped it into her purse. And as they were
leaving I told her about my card and she responded that maybe something good
would come out of the night.
As I was sitting next to Business Card Girl and her date,
a woman entered the bar and sat on the opposite side. She was wearing a sleek
black dress, that is to say, overdressed for this bar, especially sitting
alone, which she did until Business Card Girl left, and I went over and sat
next to her. She had just come from a first date that had gone poorly. We got
along well.
The next day I received a text from Business Card Girl
and she and I scheduled a date. I also had a date with Black Dress Girl.
Black Dress Girl and I met at a wine bar. Business Card
Girl and I met at a regular bar. Black Dress Girl and I moved to another bar.
Business Card Girl and I ordered another beer. Got along great with both, but
otherwise nothing remarkable. Black Dress Girl was more aggressive. Business
Card Girl had prettier eyes.
The weekend in which my dating overflowith enters Yoga
Girl. Know her from yoga but didn’t really meet her at yoga. She indirectly
expressed interest in me. I messaged her, then we started texting, then we
agreed to meet for a drink. She only had an hour before she had to pick up her
daughter, but we hit it off well and scheduled a second, real date. The real
date went even better, and I even loaned her season 1 of Game of Thrones (which
actually belongs to my ex-wife, my kids brought the DVDs over years ago, and I
still have it. Well, not at the moment.)
There I was. Three women. Previously, if I had such
options I have always felt compelled to choose early. I have never allowed
myself to just date. I made a conscious decision to force myself to not choose.
Dude, go out a few times with each!
Business Card Girl went out of town, during which we
texted some, then it dissipated. Did not see her again. Just wasn't that
motivated.
Black Dress Girl remained aggressive and so things
labored on longer with her. It was fickle and kinda dramatic. We saw each other
four more times. But I am not motivated enough, and her aggressiveness only
goes so far. Think we are done. But it wouldn't surprise me if she contacts me
again.
Yoga Girl I liked the most. Just a few days after our
real date she said she was just too busy to date. Demanding career. Active kids
who required driving around. Family and friends. Did I believe her? Was I just
getting the brush off? I told her to keep Game of Thrones. She could just
return it one day when see each other at yoga. Weeks later she said she is
ready to return the DVD’s but that she had not had time to watch any episodes.
To which I replied I guess I could believe she actually was too busy to date!
After all that, but with Black Dress Girl still
lingering, I met someone from Tinder. Whirlwind Girl. For about 10 days it was
rocking and rolling. Lots of texting, which she always ended with “txt me
whenever.” We meet for lunch. We plan a date. She meets a friend for lunch and
casually says I can join if I want. I drive across town and crash lunch. We go
out more. She says she wants to take it slow, slow, very slow (She means no
sex. Just a hug, thank you. Otherwise it seemed to be going fast, fast, very
fast). Fine with me, for now anyway. But still a whirlwind of activity with
Whirlwind Girl. An established trend of heavy texting. And then it nearly
stops. Maybe because she is out of town on business? Then it totally stops
after her return. She had said she likes her space. She had said she is
independent and values her alone time. All of that is fine with me, but if that
means on and off, whirlwind and no wind. Then I am out, and it appears she is
out as well.
This is how my dating life has been for 12 years. Nothing
goes beyond a few dates. Either I am not interested, or they are not
interested. Most times it just fades. Sometimes I say no thanks, and other
times they no thanks.
I could go months without a date. I might meet someone
tonight. Or in-between tonight and months. Or maybe never again.
